I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
