is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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