i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
