I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You can't special order awesome
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
