i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
