just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
