Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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