If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
