hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
