I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Couch. On fire.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
