Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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