I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
