u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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