just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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