alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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