I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
two words...techno handjob
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize