Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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