my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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