Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
