We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
