I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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