Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
