glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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