he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
