is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
