coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
