The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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