I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
