Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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