yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
