naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
