But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
