it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
