He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
