I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I want a musical about memes.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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