So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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