I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
