Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
