bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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