his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
