Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
