You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
