Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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