FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
