She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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