I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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