Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think I died a long time ago.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
