2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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