but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
