I wish i was in the wii world.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize