Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
