omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
