oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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