They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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