Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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