OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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