Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize