Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
