Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We have so much sex to catch up on
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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