I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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