the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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