I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
