i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
