sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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