I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize