I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
