I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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