Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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