I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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