I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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