Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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