Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
