I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Houston, we have a squirter
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
