At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
