You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
