i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
