I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
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