ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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