I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
