im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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