Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize