Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
