The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
