I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
