You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
