Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
