1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
