My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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