so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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