hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
