i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
