I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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