Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
