I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
