Will you blow on my dice?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
