did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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