my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
