I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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