Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
