I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
