Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
